So I was going through some junk in my room today, and I found my favorite book Smashed by Koren Zailckas. I opened it up, and low and behold there was the page that started my love affair, an excerpt from a poem by e.e. cummings. For some reason it has been my favorite poem of all time since the day I read it back in 2006 (Holy hell, 6 years ago?!) Anyway, I wanted to share it because, well, I love it.

"Since feeling is first" by e.e. cummings

since feeling is first
who pays any attention
to the syntax of things
will never wholly kiss you;

wholly to be a fool
while Spring is in the world

my blood approves,
and kisses are a far better fate
than wisdom
lady i swear by all flowers. Don't cry
--the best gesture of my brain is less than
your eyelids' flutter which says

we are for eachother: then
laugh, leaning back in my arms
for life's not a paragraph

And death i think is no parenthesis
__________________________________________________________________________

The beauty of poetry is that it can be interpreted however you want it. I like to think he is saying that feeling is so overwhelming at times, and real love is so rare, that logic ceases to exist when you are in that state of mind. 2345

Blue is good for you.

So I have been rockin' the navy eyeliner trend since I started wearing makeup. Which means I have been wearing it for...almost 10 years! I always loved how it made my blue eyes pop. It is not as harsh as black but still makes a noticeable difference. All throughout high school I wore Cover Girl's Perfect Blind eyeliner in cobalt. My sister wore it and like most makeup novices, I wanted my eyes to look just like hers. I switched to an eyeliner from my beloved Sephora in college, which I do still wear at times. However, neither of these can compare to the best navy eyeliner I have EVER used. Drum roll please....

Bobbi Brown's Long-Wear Gel Eyeliner (Shown here in Black ink)



If you wear eyeliner, you MUST give this stuff a try. I was a little hesitant at first, just because you use a separate brush (which you should use with it to get the best effect) but it becomes so simple with a little practice. Unfortunately, they do not sell indigo ink, the shade I use anymore. However, Cobalt ink and Denim ink are great alternatives. I guarantee your eyes will stand out like never before!

Here are a few pictures of beautiful ladies trying the trend:

As you can tell, navy works on all skin tones and makes the whites of your eyes look even whiter. So pretty! 2345

Institution of.....crap.

You know what I hate...when people ask, so who are you seeing? Just because I am a woman in my twenties means I have to be with a significant other? I either have to be in a serious relationship, or engaged, or, as I have been asked numerous times...so are you married yet? Umm, no.

I have never been a serial dater, and hardly consider myself a dater at all, but it seems as though the older I get the less I want to get married. Call me cynical (or a pyscho bitch) but the idea of marriage makes me want to burn down Tiffany's stores or cut off my ring finger.

Maybe it's because I have seen love (or something like it) shatter into a million little pieces and cut everyone involved during its break. Maybe I try to hard to be a rebel against the status quo. I like to think it is because I am emotionally independent and too OCD to deal with the clutter of a man.

People say that when you find that special person "you just know," and two people marry "when the time is right." Well what if your heart doesn't flutter like they say? Or worse, what if it does but but that time never comes? I bet the person who made up those phrases is single, living alone, and has a house full of cats.

Don't get me wrong, I think marriage can be lovely if its what you want. But why do people just assume its what you need? I firmly believe two people, in love and in faith, can spend their whole lives together without a certificate of marriage. It's sad to think that everyone else will be rooting for a ceremony and not them.

I may get married, I may not. So if that day comes (in at least 10 years) do me a favor and don't judge me for this post. 2345

Do your part

This weather, like life, has been so crazy lately. Sometimes beautiful, sometimes mundane, and sometimes tragic. The recent tornados that have ripped through the midwest have really opened my eyes to the unpredictability of everyday. Seeing the overwhelming destruction of the targeted cities is so upsetting. In a single moment their entire world isn't even thrown upside down--it's gone. I can't even begin to understand it, but recognizing how truely blessed I am to live each day and to take advantage of my existence is something I can do.

My thoughts and prayers go out to all of the families affected by these natural disasters.
Go to these sites to see how we can help:

http://oakforest.patch.com/articles/how-you-can-help-joplin-tornado-victims-3

http://www.cnn.com/2011/US/05/23/joplin.how.to.help/index.html

http://abcnews.go.com/US/joplin-missouri-tornado-victims/story?id=13665690 2345

Getting my wisdom teeth out...not so smart.

Hello my blog beauties!

It's been a while since I've posted...sorry! I had my wisdom teeth removed early last week and it has been HELL. Not only was I not put under during it (those shots of novicane were a bitch) but I have sinced developed the lovely thing called "dry socket." a.k.a where your bone is exposed to the elements and causes some serious pain. I went to the doctor and hopefully, will be all better within a few days!

On the bright side, I was given some stellar pain medication for my teeth. It works like a capsule-filled charm. No alcoholic beverages for me, though!

Because I am a closet nerd, I decided to post a little tid bit on wisdom teeth and dry sockets...yummy!

and to dry sockets...

Now time to go use my syringe....Happy Monday! 2345

Rompers, a do or a don't?

So last time I went shopping, rompers were everywhere! I'll admit, I feel like I should have pig-tail braids and jelly sandals on when I see myself in them (Not judging, I love braids AND own pink jellies), but they have come a long way since my days when I had a bowl-cut. I might break out of my fashion shell (or actually, break into one) and try them out! Here are a few I'm thinking of purchasing:

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"Keep Calm & Carry on"

Everyone has bad days. Some people know how to hide them more than others. I've always considered myself an Oscar-worthy actress when it comes to my pretending skills.

Part of growing up is learning how to better deal with problems. Trust me, I'd love to stomp my feet, throw my phone, and scream until my face turns blue, but unfortunately throwing at temper tantrum at 23 is pretty "frowned upon."

So...how do you deal? Here's a method I've been working on...

Before bed I try to think of one good thing that has happened during the day. Just one thing. It could be a smile from a stranger, a song on the radio that reminded me of a memory, or even getting something done on my to-do list.

Reminding myself of the simple pleasures of life, the people who inspire me, and the goals I am striving for make those rough days much more manageable. Learning how to deal with bad days make good days even better.  Thinking of peaceful, beautiful places helps too!

How insanely gorgeous and serene do these places look?

I want this garden in my backyard.

Put this on my to-do list.

All you need is a cabana boy...

I could run in this field of flowers
any day.
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Side of life with no regrets, please.

The past 8 months have been a whirlwind. I ended a 3.5 year relationship, graduated college, and started a "big girl" job (if you can even call it that). My emotions have taken a sucker punch from my past, and my mind refuses to clear a path for the future. All of this thinking in tenses is making ME tense. I get random bouts of anxiety over the tiniest things. I had a quarter-life crisis when I turned 23. I worry about not meeting more people, not going out more, not getting better grades...I could go on for about 5 years. Speaking of 5 years, my 5 year high school reunion is coming up... further worsening my freak out. Ugh.

Why now? Trust me, it makes no sense to me either. As my mom would say, "If those are your biggest problems, you've got it made."

Lying in bed last night I got to thinking...how is regretting anything going to help me live a happy, successful, joyful life? As you can expect...I couldn't think of one freaking way. But what about all the things I've accomplished? Like learning how to love and care about someone deeply for 3.5 years, graduating from a well known University and earning a degree, finding a job doing something I enjoy, and most importantly--having my health, my family, and my friends?

After having a major spaz attack I've realized several things.

1. Being 23 does not make you ancient, regardless of what Hollywood says. 
2. I need to stop being so logical when it's not necessary and go out on a random Tuesday night. 
3. I have met plenty of people, it's just the ones I've kept are the ones that matter.
4. I actually got really good grades in college, so kiss it nerds!
5. I remember college and didn't gain the freshman 15, sophomore 20, Junior 30, or Senior 40 (which is always tragic)
6. There is always space for more fun and craziness. I'm going to make room. 

 Lesson Learned: I need a shrink. But seriously...

Sometimes regrets pop up when you least expect them--figure out why you feel that way and make changes. Regretting the past will always hinder your future, so stop it!! Never forget to praise yourself for your accomplishments and what you do have. Regret stresses you out, which in turn makes you lose sleep, dries out your hair, and gives you a stomach ache. Not fun.

Okay so next dilemma, Is it possible to regret regret? Just kidding! 2345

Coral Coral Coral!

So it might still be raining to the point where my backyard looks like a marsh, but it's SPRING! Let us rejoice with some beauty junkie!

I've always loved the color coral in interior decorating, but I think it's even more beautiful in makeup! I already went out and bought coral blush (obsessed) and now I'm thinking eye shadow, nail polish, maybe lipstick? Here are a few of my favorite coral-colored beauty products that I'm dying to try!

Benefit's Coralista Blush

Essie polish in Mango Bango

NARS the multiple in Portofino

Bare Minerals Eyeshadow Set in Coral Reef

Bobbi Brown Shimmer Brick for lids in Nectar

Korres Lip Butter in Pomegranate

Beauty Junkies, what's your favorite makeup color for spring and summer?

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Don't grow your fear, build your faith.

Let it be known: I am not a fan of rejection.

I'm not sure what it is, but the fear of failing makes me cringe more than being in a cadaver lab when I was in Anatomy in high school.  It's like rejection is lying there on the table--silent, dead, always in the back of your mind--never knowing when or where it may occur. It may not smell like formaldehyde, but it's real, nevertheless.

I'll admit it-- my life has been pretty easy. Not always a piece of cake, but pretty sugar coated most of the time. Maybe that's why I figured things would be the same after I graduated college. I knew my future wouldn't be handed to me on a silver platter, but I was at least expecting a Dixie plate with a side of vanilla ice cream.

These past few weeks have given me a huge reality check. I have been applying to jobs relentlessly (something I should have been doing close to a year ago) and at the start, I was extremely optimistic. Too sure, too confident, I soon found out.  I haven't gotten the feedback I was hoping for, and last night it all came to a head. I had, as usual, a massive panic attack at the sheer thought of one more "I'm sorry, but we have found someone whose credentials better suit our needs," email.

Shit. It found me. It sprang back to life and is coming to haunt me. It's the monster in my closet, and the self-doubt in my head. Its rejection.

I'm not sure why it hit me like a ton of bricks, but reading those words made me want to crawl into a hole and banish technology (or at least email) forever. If they can't email me, they can't reject me. That seems ridiculous now, but trust me, it seemed genius to me last night.

Looking back, I realized I really always have been scared of failing. When I was in gymnastics as a little girl, I never ever wanted to practice the balance beam in fear of falling off. When I played pee-wee baseball, I hated my coach because he'd scream at me whenever I missed a ball. In high school I rarely dated in fear that I'd fall helplessly head-over-heels then get my heart smashed into pieces. Even though that happened,
anyway.


While reading in my room last night I came across this quote and fell in love, as usual:

You block your dream when you allow your fear to grow bigger than your faith.  ~Mary Manin Morrissey

It's amazing how a simple quote can open up a new way of thinking. It's true, what will I ever gain from being scared? Will it help me get a job? Learn a new skill? Fall in love? No, no, and no. Actually, I couldn't think of one thing it was good for, expect for making me want to prove to myself that I'll succeed even more. I checked my figurative closet to find no monster, and didn't dream of a giant rejection email chasing me.

Lesson Learned: Stop. Breathe. Repeat. The world isn't ending because one company isn't smart enough to see how great you are. The more you fear rejection the less you realize your potential. You won't always be #1, or get what you want (or deserve). Instead of building walls, build confidence, and know rejection doesn't mean failure.

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Au Naturel

This is definitely a FAVE.

Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love makeup and beauty products (ahem, beauty junkie posts) but I truly believe natural beauty is 100% more important. Why hide yourself behind inches of makeup? I've always been a fan of the saying "Good from far, but far from good." Meaning, the girl might be good looking from far away, but get her up close and personal--you can tell if she's comfortable without cosmetics or, covering herself up. And everyone knows confidence makes you even more beautiful.

Even guys agree--natural always wins.

So when I found this picture in Allure magazine, I was pumped. I'm so tired of seeing models with absolutely, positively, beyond-perfect skin. Yeah, and I'm the Pope. C'mon people! It's so unrealistic. Now I'm not saying this girl wasn't photo shopped a little (you never know--right?) but it's a start. I hope this trend continues!

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Unlucky number 7

It's been 7 years since a very good friend of mine passed away. I've spent the majority of those years shoving the memory into a figurative file in my brain labeled "never think about." I've realized that that file is either full or lost--because it hasn't seemed to work too well.

Oddly enough, this anniversary of his death has been tougher than any other. The simple act of reading his name or seeing a picture punctures my heart and sinks my stomach. I can't stop thinking about how far all of his friends have come--professionally, personally, mentally--and wonder who he would be today? The question seems especially sad knowing it will never, ever have an answer.

Derek's death was untimely and tragic. It was an event that shook me, and everyone who knew him to the very core. It changed me in ways I never even knew until right now. I've cherished my relationships even more, told people how I feel, and taken advantage of good and bad days because of him.

I'm thankful for another angel. Love and miss you always.

 

Life is eternal, and love is immortal,
and death is only a horizon;
and a horizon is nothing save the limit of our sight.
~Rossiter Worthington Raymond

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Braids!

This is one hairstyle I looooooove. I've been braiding my hair for a long time. I think it looks adorable on everyone. Some people think it looks "equestrian." I think they're wrong. It's so cute and you can do so many things regardless of hair length!

They say the braid is big for Spring this season. Pshhh, looks like I'm way ahead of the trends then!

Here are some of my favorite braid looks:

Obviously the simple braid that Zoe Saldana and LC are rockin' is a classic, goes with everything style. I usually wear my hair like that because it's the easiest. I actually did my hair like Blake Lively has hers for a wedding a few years ago. And Rebecca Romijn and Sarah Michelle Gellar styles are so pretty, I need to learn how to do this on myself!

Beauty Junkies, What's your favorite way to wear a braid? 2345

Choose Happiness Everyday

I love to-do lists. Something about writing everything down gives me a sense of clarity. Putting little check marks next to finished items gives me a tiny boost of reassurance that I'm being a productive human being (especially on Saturday afternoons when I am anything but). I own two planners; I keep one with me and one in my car. I looked forward to writing down my assignments in high school and college. I know--nerd alert! 

When I don't finish everything I tend to feel defeated. I add everything I didn't get done to the next day feeling even more overwhelmed. I've been raised to "do the work first," to make sure "all your ducks are in a row," to "get down to business." Okay, I get it. It's important (and for me, therapeutic) to stay organized. But in the grand scheme of things does it really matter if you didn't clean out your car or go to the gym? Doubt it.

I found this pretty little to-do list and realized I need to give myself more credit for everything I have already, and will accomplish. I graduated from an amazing school, have a job, and a great support system of loving family and friends.

Lesson learned: Take a deep breath. The world isn't going to end because you didn't complete everything you thought you should. Being happy, laughing, and remembering to enjoy everyday should always take 1, 2 and 3 on everyone's to-do lists.



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Wish I was a professional beach bum.

It's the middle of April. Usually that means short sleeved shirts, sandals, and sun...but not this year! High 60's in March and now it's in the 40s! Gross. This constant flirt with mother nature has me dreaming of warmer weather...you guessed it, the beach! These pics are of one of my fave places--Naples, Florida!

I've been going to Naples since I was little. It's perfect for family vacations and spring breaks. I love how it has a great mix of beautiful beach and downtown fun. Crummy, rainy days like today make me wish I was sitting in my lounge chair, reading Allure magazine, while drinking an ice cold beer. Ah, Glorious. 2345

Magnetic Poetry!

I love poetry. All sorts. So when I see someone with little word magnets on their fridge I just have to play with them, I can't help myself. It's awesome reading what people can think of!

Here are some my favorites that I've found:

"Sheen Poetry" Ha,ha!

I'll stay on lookout for good ones!

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My virtual green notebook.

I grew some balls (is that p.c. yet?) and decided to put some of my old poetry on here. I figure if I want to write for a living I better get used to people reading it!

None of my poetry is titled. Actually it's not even dated. I'll always remember the exact date, time, and reason I wrote it, though. One of my favorite things about poetry is that it allows you to capture a moment, a feeling, down to the exact second you were feeling it. Like I said earlier--a little "time-capsule in words."

I won the Women's Club Writing Award for poetry in 10th grade for this. I still remember how embarrassed I was when the woman was standing there purging the lines for all to hear. I had no idea that was going to happen...and I'm pretty sure the crowd thought I was emotionally loaded. Yikes.

Isn't it funny how time seems to run its course

when it's full of road blocks, dead-ends and stop signs

no one intentionally builds one way streets

or breaks a promise

but you seem to be an expert

Without hearing the construction in front of me,

I drive along this bumpy, graveled road called life

my dreams hold my steering wheel, and the only radio playing is your laughter

I try to sing along but can't seem to find the station

accelerating with new hope, just to break for disappointment,

because no one told me to buckle up.

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Nail Polish Junkie

So I've kind of become addicted to nail polish. Essie, specifically. They have the cutest colors out for Spring! Here are the ones I have picked up: 


Nice is Nice

 
 



Coat Azure



Mob Square







How cute are these?

Right now I am wearing coat azure on my toes and mob square on my fingers!

I also love Chanel's new color, Mimosa, but it's hard to justify $25 for nail polish!...right?

 Do you have a go-to nail color Beauty Junkies?

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Organization makes me happy.

I decided I need some organization in my blog life. I'm archiving my posts by category, which isn't rocket science but since switching my blog from Wordpress to Blogger it took me a hot minute to do. Here they are, so far:

Lesson Learned: Situations, people, ponderings that I've learned from.
Thoughts for Tuesday: Mostly random postings, sometimes meaningful, sometimes not so much. Every Tuesday (duh.)
Paper Cuts: Poetry, lyrics, quotes, basically any combination of words and otherwise that I'm into.
Faves: My favorite fitness, beauty, clothes, places, etc.


I'm sure I will be adding to this list as time goes on--bare with me! 2345

Write on

Hi, my name is Lauren, and I'm a write-aholic.

No really. Sometimes I think I'm missing the ability to show the most basic human emotions in an external way. Paper has always seemed more friendly than people, and words comfort me in ways "talking it out" never could. There's no awkward silences, either.

Which leads me to my next thought...(related, promise)

I just started reading "Fury,"a memoir by Koren Zailckas. She is the author of Smashed: Story of a Drunken Girlhood, which I read when I was 18 and have been obsessed with ever since. Fury is about her paralyzing breakup, and her quest to understand why she's never been able to express her emotions in any way besides writing them down or swallowing them away. Needless to say, I fell in love at page 1.

Read them. Both of them. Now. Seriously--she's amazing.

I had a similar experience at the tender age of 15. It led to an overstuffed notebook filled with poetry, quotes, lyrics, etc. It's my ever-growing emotional time-capsule. Which I refuse to bury.

"Writing is the emotional morphine." --Mariam Maarouf

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